Why You Shouldn’t Accept Gifts at your Wedding

The wedding business machine has the world convinced that they should spend exorbitant amounts on a wedding (the median wedding costs ~$14k) and then recoup some of the cost via monetary and physical gifts from the attendees. Essentially the model is to throw an extravagant party that you can’t afford and then charge guests for the privilege of attending. This notion is even embedded in the all of the popular wedding guides, with The Knot suggesting a minimum gift of at least $50 in order to at least cover the marginal cost of attendance. Wedding gifts have morphed from expressions of love/friendship into required contributions to subsidize an outlandish party. If you can’t afford the $100 frying pan on your gift registry, why are you spending $2000 on decorative flowers?

Times Have Changed

The average age of women getting married has increased to about 28 years old in 2019 from ~20 years old in the 1950s. Today over 2/3 of couples have already lived together before they walk down the aisle. The traditional idea of showering the young cash-strapped married couple with household items to furnish their new home rarely applies anymore. Wedding gifts are remnants of a time when couples got married while still living with their parents and trying to start a household without two pennies to rub together.

Attending the Wedding is Expensive

When planning their big (and expensive) day, It is easy for the happy couple to forget how expensive it is for their guests to attend. A study by Bankrate found that it costs guests on average between $200 and $400 just to attend the wedding. This includes the cost to travel, the cost of lodging, and the cost of wedding attire. Add to that the potential need to take vacation days from work, the cost of attending the bachelor(ette) party, and the wedding shower, it is not surprising that some guests decline to attend due to cost. Just by attending your guests are giving an expensive gift.

The Charity Registry

Even with a “no gifts please” line on your wedding invite, you may still run into people who simply can’t resist giving something. A new movement in wedding gifts is to get rid of the traditional gift registry and replace it with a charity registry to instead funnel gifts towards the couple’s favorite charities. This idea removes the cost-to-attend offset mentality while also pleasing the more traditional wedding guests who desire to contribute something to the couple. Also I think it goes a long way towards staying grounded if you can contribute to those in need while also throwing the most expensive party of your life.

Gifts Still Make Sense for Some

Couples out there who still fit the classic mold of early marriage and/or are struggling financially are still a perfect fit for a gift registry. However, for the more established couples out there, it doesn’t feel right to ask your guests to help subsidize your decision to wear a tiara or buy an Italian tuxedo.

Write Thank You Cards

Even in a no-gift wedding scenario, you are still expected to send out thank you cards to your guests. This acknowledges that the guests still had to spend a significant amount of time and money to travel in order to celebrate with you as you threw your own personal prom.

No More Gifts

Wedding gifts are no longer optional expressions of generosity towards the couple, but instead have become required parts of attending the wedding. I plan on removing that requirement when my times comes around. In the end, the decision to not accept gifts does reflect some level of privilege. But as a relatively well paid professional in my late 20s, all I desire from my wedding guests is their attendance.

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